It feels lately like I’m doing a lot of waiting. This is probably because I am doing a lot of waiting. The three weeks until I move feel like eons. And while there’s still a lot to do, I can’t help but feel itchy to just… get in the car and go.
At the end of this month, I’ll find myself in a different state, a different house, and a different frame of mind. Come the end of July, I’ll say goodbye to the holding pattern I’ve been in for the last two years.
I hesitate to call it a holding pattern, really. In definition, a “holding pattern” is a static state–it is neither forward nor backward movement. No regression, but no progression.
It makes it sound like I haven’t done anything during the time I’ve been home. I’ve done plenty. Some of these things can be easily identified and listed, like:
1. Winning an Encouragement Award at the Metropolitan Opera National Council Auditions
2. Honing my marketing and social media management skills at Eggshells Kitchen Co. 3. Losing ~60 pounds
4. Auditioning for graduate school successfully (and may I say with style)
5. Discovering my love for gardening
6. Started studying with a new voice teacher, began singing some new repertoire
7. Found an amazing group of women in the Arkansas Women Bloggers
8. Began this blog!
Others are not so easily quantifiable, like:
1. Learning how to navigate adulthood (admittedly with training wheels [thanks, Tixqueen!])
2. Honing my social media management & marketing skills at Eggshells Kitchen Co. 3. Becoming more comfortable with myself as an artist
3. Wanting to connect more with my family history
4. Realizing that happiness is a journey, not a destination (I can’t believe I just typed those words)
So, yeah, you can see why I feel like “holding pattern” isn’t really telling the whole story.
I came home to be with my mother during chemotherapy, not because I was having some sort of quarter-life crisis (although I’ve certainly had at least two quarter-life crises since I’ve been home). I managed to do some pretty cool things and meet some pretty cool people.
Had I gone straight to grad school after leaving my undergrad (and I had the chance, y’all), would I have done any of the things I listed above? I’m not sure.
Y’all know I don’t believe everything happens for a reason. But I do believe in the Rolling Stones when they said–
You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.
And maybe I needed a holding pattern to be ready for this next stage of life. I know I’m ready now.